Honor Thy Mother

Posted on September 9, 2013 by Stephanie

I have just returned from a trip to the Florida pan handle, to a stretch of gorgeous beach towns known as 30A (short for Hwy 30A). My two sisters and I wanted to treat our mom to a girl’s only get away, where she could have our undivided attention and we could lavish her with much deserved TLC.

Our first mom and daughters trip was 12 years ago to Martha’s Vineyard. It was such a great time-we vowed to do it often. Then 9/11 happened. But that wasn’t the main reason we waited so long.

Life happened.

We thought that just because our kids were all getting to be upper elementary and middle schoolers at that time that we would have increased freedom to take back some time for ourselves.

Ha. Ha.

We soon learned that a mother’s attention is not needed less as kids get into high school. Sports, clubs, school and church activities multiplied by many kids did not leave enough space on the calendar to slip away. And our mom patiently waited for another trip with just her girls.

Then her life got messy. Two bouts with lymphoma, my dad had open heart surgery and their basement foundation collapsed.

Each event a time eater.

We had good intentions. But the clock is a cruel task master. Urgent drowns out the important.

Always.

So we were delighted to see that this was the year we were going to be able to steal away from our busy lives and shower our mom with attention. Spending quality time with our mom and giving her words of affirmation are her love language, and we are blessed to have her and we were honored to give her “Sue focused” days.

While I was in Florida, one of my precious friends, also named Sue, was slowly slipping from this world, at the end of a battle with breast cancer. She and her family were never far from my thoughts and prayers.

My friendship with Sue grew when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. As I reached out to help with meals and driving her to radiation treatments..I found out just how beloved this lady was—there was a waiting list almost two months long to get to be with her! We should all be so blessed to have people lining up to heap love and care on us…and what’s more-she let us. I loved that about her.

She was one of my walking buddies, my Bible study sista and every other Saturday morning we met at Waffle House for breakfast. We knew each other’s “ugly side” and as in all of the deepest of friendships–we were marked by love, fits of laughter and forgiveness.

My last visit with Sue in the hospital was memorable. Her Texas sense of humor was still intact as she told me, “Never have a stroke!” OK, I’ll try not to, I said. That was funny to her and she gave me a lopsided grin. The thing I will remember most about that day is that she had an aura of peace around her.

Peace that passes understanding.

I kept thinking about the old hymn, All the Way My Savior Leads Me**:

All the way my Savior leads me, O the fullness of His love!

Perfect rest to me is promised, In my Father’s house above

When my spirit, clothed immortal, Wings it’s flight to realms of day,

This my song through endless ages, Jesus led me all the way.

This my song through endless ages, Jesus led me all the way.

My darling, vibrant friend had one request during her time in the hospital…she just wanted to go home.

Her husband has not left her side for over a month, at the hospital and now at home. He has modeled well the faithfulness of a man caring for his wife during the darkest of days. Their three beautiful girls, all in their 20’s, have a high standard set before them in picking a husband…by watching their dad care so lovingly for their mom.

These girls remind me so much of me and my sisters. They have the same age spread as we do and share the time tested bond that only close sisters know. Their love for each other will serve them well in the days and years to come. They are working together to do the best they can do to honor their mother in the way she requested. Their lives, for now, are revolving around “Sue focused” days as they lavish attention, love and care on this amazing woman, they call “ mom”.

None of us knows how much time we will have with our moms this side of heaven. Some of us will be blessed to see our moms reach ripe old ages. Others, like these sweet girls and my own mother, will lose their moms at the time they feel they need them most- during the final stages of growing into womanhood as a wife and mother.

While many of us will offer to stand in place of our friend during the big moments to come for these girls-to pour mother love on them as Sue would be delighted that we do-we know that no one can ever take her place in their hearts.

Or in ours.

Blessings,
Stephanie

* Sue found her “perfect rest” this afternoon. Absent from the body-in the presence of the Lord.

**All The Way My Savior Leads Me by Fanny J. Crosby, 1875

Posted in Faith, Family, Friendship | 14 Comments

The Amish Way

Posted on September 3, 2013 by Stephanie

One of the coolest things about living where I live (about 45 minutes south of Lancaster, PA) is the frequent sightings of Amish in our area. They are called “The Plain Folks” and I admit it….I still get excited seeing them –even after living here for 30+ years.

I’ve watched them in a variety of circumstances-in the market place, in the fields working with their teams of horse drawn equipment and playing outside the one room schoolhouses (with the outhouse out back). I love to see the little boys in their summer straw hats peering through the back window of the buggy while we share the roads. This past winter, I was taking some of the back roads home from Lancaster and saw a school recess time where all the students were ice skating on a frozen pond-dressed in their long, black winter coats-it was a scene from Currier and Ives. Perfection.

Nuts about this Amish sect, I am.

I love their family farm houses, which keep getting added on to each time a son marries and can easily be recognized as an Amish household by the lines of fresh laundry running from the house to the barn-full of dark colored clothing. I’m envious of their tidy gardens bordered with beautiful rows of marigolds and cockscomb.

I love going to the Lancaster Central Market early on Friday mornings to see the freshest produce, baked goods and Amish wares. BTW—this market is THE oldest farmers market in NORTH AMERICA. Pretty cool, huh? One Friday—decades ago, I was there with my parents and we saw Harrison Ford coming out of his trailer while the movie, Witness was being filmed. Amish market + Harrison Ford= doesntgetbetterthanthat!

Side note: Last week I was driving back from Lancaster and I stopped at a water area to check their paddle board situation. It was a place where we used to take our boys to row around this large area with an island to explore. We would make the boys take turns (with us) rowing… builds character you know.

Anyhoo—on this day there was an Amish family at the waters edge. The mom and girls waited patiently on the picnic tables while the dad and 5 boys piled into one of the row boats….and….proceeded to get the attendant to attach a MOTOR BOARD so they wouldn’t have to paddle! What is the world coming to when Amish opt for gas over wood?

Back to the current story:

We have had a huge building project going on at our farm for over 4 months now—we are almost to the end. I was tired of it after the first two weeks. Every morning at 6am truck loads of workers came across our bridge sending our farm dog, Cassie, into fits. Between her barking and the constant noise of equipment and beeping of trucks backing up, banging lumber and men yelling—both Cassie and I were on edge.

One day after the major portion of our project was finished, my hub announced that the old spring house was about to fall in and he was going to hire an Amish contractor to restore the aging structure. He said he did not want it to collapse when I went to get food from the freezer we keep out there. (His precious deer meat is in there too…so what is the real motive, right?)

I perked right up. The Amish? The Plain People-are coming to my house? I had visions of calm and tranquility and soft spoken bearded men. There would be peace in our valley once more. <sigh>

Out with modern construction gang-in with the sound of saws and hammers. I couldn’t wait! Cassie couldn’t wait! Their reputation as quality craftsmen is legendary in these parts-working together, they can raise a huge barn in one day.

The Amish crew started on a Monday morning, their work trailer pulled by a Ford F150 driven by a hired man (who seemed to always be snooping around our barn—creepy). This is how the Amish get around in the “English” world when they need to get things done. Within 15 minutes of their arrival I heard the familiar hum of a compressor coming from the spring house. I looked out the window and saw that they had plugged into the electric out there and were gearing up for the day’s work. What? They were going to use electric tools?

Cheaters.

This wasn’t the way I had expected it to be! The Amish Way is NO ELECTRICITY! It’s forbotten!

(Makes me wonder if there is any truth to all the reality shows about the Amish cropping up recently…..Amish Mafia and Breaking Amish are just a couple of the titles I’ve seen. I refuse to accept that these shows are truth…and I’m too chicken to ask any of them what they think about all this attention. Not that they should know….no TV’s! I’m sure word still gets around.)

Add to that our young Amish contractor wears Oakley sunglasses, chain smokes hand rolled cigarettes and told me that he would give me pricing on new shutters after he checked them on the internet.

The internet?

A cheater he may be…but he is an outstanding craftsman. Barely 30 and married with five daughters under the age of 7….he is quite the business man as well. Best of all….his crew cleans up the worksite. Every evening. LOVE IT!

Friday was his last day working here. His crew saved our spring house, shored up the foundation to our barn and replaced the windows (now that our lacrosse days are over, they might have a fighting chance to stay intact—besides these are Plexiglas.) He reglazed a couple of old wavy glass windows that I wanted to save. They even painted our barn after first telling us that Amish never paint. (But their barns are always white–go figure.)

With their driving away it brings closure to the projects I thought would never end. I am thankful that all the work is done, and now we have a good contact for more work if we ever need it.

I know I can always catch him on his cell phone.

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Farm | 1 Comment

In The Company of Strangers

Posted on August 30, 2013 by Stephanie

Yesterday my daughter in law and I spent the day in NYC. I love that in this part of the country we can bebop to big cities and enjoy all they have to offer and then return home to our quiet farm on the same day. We had a delightful day. My DIL had not been to New York since she was in middle school and it was fun to watch her experience it as an adult.

Our goal for the day was not the usual touristy things, although we did stick our heads in Saks and Tiffany’s (I mean, really…..she hadn’t been in NYC as a woman and we like that kind of stuff. Can’t afford to shop there, but love to look!)

I showed her my favorite place for a healthy, cheap meal in Midtown—Trump Tower’s basement grille. (NYC Tip # 1) We went to FAO Schwartz and I’ll just confess it right now….we did some dreaming about when we’ll bring my grandbabies there to see all the toys and walk/jump on the big piano (from the movie BIG). One of the many things I love about my dear DIL is that she goes there with me…dreaming about the babies to come!

We spent most of the day in Lower Manhattan (my fav part) in Greenwich Village for a few hours and had lunch there at a new place called Umami Burgers. (NYC Tip #2) Fabulous gourmet (meaning not cheap) burgers…I was the oldest person in the place. (But I walked with confidence over to the wall outlet to plug in my iPhone-so hey, I’m cool!)

Well, as cool as someone my age can be wearing a hammer toe orthotic with my Born sandals.

We had reservations for a two hour walking tour of SoHo, Little Italy and Chinatown to start at 2pm. It was fabulous- I learned so much about my favorite area of Manhattan and now will be a dedicated groupie to the Free Walking Tours (you tip after tour) of wherever I roam in this world. Along with 23 people from 7 countries we pounded pavement –a fabulous way to really see and understand these neighborhoods. (NYC Tip # 3)

OK, so far in the day…so good.

Here is a BIG tip from me for the next time you are in NYC. (And I should know this one, because it happened to me about 4 years ago as well.) Never, ever, ever…..for as long as you can possibly help it—-EVER get caught in Lower Manhattan after 4pm when you need to be on the bus at Rockefeller Plaza to head for home at 6:00. ( NYC Tip # 4)

NOT. EVER. AGAIN.

My DIL and I started about 4:30 trying to hail a cab…pricey, but I HATE the Subway during peak hours. HATE. IT. Trouble was, there were no cabs around. Not even cabs already in use. NO CABS.

After 10 minutes of waiting to spy a cab, this black, beat up Lincoln Town Car pulled up, the driver trying to convince me he is really a cab. I am wary (remember I’m just a country girl) and something inside just said “Don’t do it.” He asked where I was going and I told him Times Square. He said “35 dollars to Times Square.”

Well, that made it easy. N to the O. NO.

As he drove off, a man came up to us and said “You did the right thing. Don’t use those cars-they will rip you off.” (NYC Tip #5) He asked where we were headed and we told him our dilemma. He and his wife, were from Cape Cod and he asked if I had ever used the bus to get around.

Now don’t think I’m a snob. I mean I got on a bus for 3 hours to get to NYC, but I never consider MTA buses….anywhere…ever. He thought it would be a great way for us to get to Midtown to meet our departure (it is now 5:05pm). This kind man and his wife walked with us to the bus stop, found out from a MTA official what bus we should take and where to get off and talked us through how to pay, etc. Then they left and went on their way.

While we are waiting for the bus, a kind lady asked what bus we were waiting for..we said the #5 bus. She had been waiting over 30 minutes for the same bus and was convinced that something was going on with the MTA system..she worked in Lower Manhattan, but lived uptown. She said that she was going to give up waiting for the bus and take the subway. It was 2 blocks away, but faster and she offered for us to go along with her. As we walked to the subway, I learned that her name was Lorraine and she worked for the Office of the Aging, had a son who lived in Northern Virginia and wanted her to come live with him, but she loves NYC and gets crazy in VA.

(Remember I’M SOUTHERN…..we talk to everybody. There is a reason that the CIA is in Virginia—we know how to get intel from folks!!!!)

Lorraine was precious in every way. She helped us purchase our tickets, sat with us on the claustiphobically crowded subway (and it got worse every stop closer to Times Square), told us where to get off and how to get to our bus. As we parted I said, “Lorraine, I pray that someday, someone repays to you the kindness you have given us.” She was our NYC angel.

My DIL and I got to the street level in Midtown at 5:40, stopped by a deli, grabbed a chicken wrap to share and 2 pieces of New York Cheesecake. (We’re late, not crazy.)

We made it to the bus with 10 minutes to spare, so thankful not to have missed our ride home. My sweet DIL made this observation as we left, “Well, New York is a lot different than I remember it, and there are some really nice people here.”

(NYC Tip # 6)

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Family | 5 Comments

The Big Send Off

Posted on August 26, 2013 by Stephanie

We are in the midst of one of the most traumatic events in parentdom. This month, all across the country new freshman are showing up at colleges and universities. In vans loaded down with new computers, comforters and bikes, families pack up their kids to begin the next phase of life.

For both parents and students.

These couple of whirlwind days called “Move In Days” mark the end of the summer of dread for moms and dads, while their offspring look forward to it with anticipation of new freedoms and adventures.

Having been in this same situation several times-here are some of the things we learned as we walked this road:

1- The first one out the shute is thought to be the hardest launch…emotionally. NOT necessarily. Especially if your student has had a whole year of “senior attitude”, which both our oldest son and my oldest niece had. The same year. It looked differently with each of them. Our son was so full of himself that everyone in the house was miserable most of the year. I kept thinking “Who are you?” Each ending that I thought would be emotionally difficult was a new chance to sing the Hallelujah Chorus! As we drove off from his college, leaving him behind, my hub was upset—saying “we are losing our son forever”. I was more pragmatic…I thought—”Just wait. Time will tell.” By Thanksgiving break we had our sweet boy back and he never left again… (in attitude-he lives across the country now).

My niece spent her senior year being a calendar. At any given time she would remind her family that “I’m out of here in 5 months, 3 days, 7 hours and 10 minutes!” The countdown was painful for my sis, but again…time is the great equalizer…. 10 years later my niece is precious and would prefer to be addressed as “Dr.”

We decided that it was actually God’s mercy to us for the kids to act this way. It helped ease the transition to the changes in our home and we were kinda ready for life to take them down a notch…knowing that they would come to their senses when they got away from us and had some perspective of how good they had it. Quiet confidence is a good thing.

2- It’s a lot easier (and by that I mean CHEAPER) to take a boy off to college than a girl. I saw the difference in the way my son approached getting his college supplies together and the way my niece did. Give a boy a blanket, fridge and microwave and he is good to go. Girls have to be matchy matchy with their roommates: designer duvet covers, every little thing color coordinated with the latest and greatest from laptop covers to shampoo. It looked exhausting.

One of those times I lifted my hands to heaven and praised the Lord for His goodness in giving me only boys. Cha-ching.

3- No matter how many lists you make prior to move in day, you will still make a gazillion trips to Target and Home Depot. Just accept it and deal…out the cash. None of us thinks clearly when we are facing big life changes…you’re gonna forget something, but more likely, the dorm room/apt will be seriously deficient in basic things like covers for electrical sockets.

4- This is one I learned the hard way: speak only when spoken to in front of his new roommate/friends. Don’t divulge any information about their girlfriends back home or their athletic prowess. There I said it. Get off my back. (They said I had to put that in-you can guess who “they” is.)

5- When the time comes, forgo the long goodbye. It’s better for them and healthier for you. Despite all the big talk about leaving home, down deep most kids are a little scared of the change too in some ways. This is a great time to remind them that they are prepared for this next step; you have complete confidence in them and never forget that they are loved and will be missed at home. Give them a big hug, walk to your car, smile as you wave and drive away. Then pull over someplace safe and quietly go to pieces before you get on the highway. After no more than an hour, wipe your eyes and blow your nose. Your work here is done. Head for home.

6- Get ready for life to change. Every time someone leaves the nest, the family dynamics change. It’s not bad…it’s just different. The kids left at home step up to fill in the responsibilities that the older one left behind. Siblings have a chance to grow closer to each other and with one less chick at home, to their parents. Even when we just had one left at home…it was good for the baby of the family to get top billing for once in his life. I said to him, “You know, Jake, I don’t remember a whole lot about the first 4 years of your life, but with you being the only one at home now, I’m not going to miss any part of your last four years!” Somehow he didn’t look too happy.

With each kid leaving home, you are participating in the final act of good parenting: letting go. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give to your kids and to each other. They move on and so should you…empty nesting can be a lot of fun!

They grow up and move on (hopefully) but they are always your babies. You will have peace again, I promise, even on days when it feels like this:

photo (1)

If none of this has been helpful or comforting to you, keep the mental image of a 30 year old living in your basement.

Works every time.

Gritsgal

Posted in Family, Midlife Maze | 3 Comments

I Wrinkle in Time

Posted on August 23, 2013 by Stephanie

If wrinkles must be written upon our brow,

let them not be written upon the heart-

so that the spirit should not grow old

James A. Garfield

It’s my birthday week. I have no shame that I am celebrating many years of life on this earth. I plan to have a lovely evening with my family (I’ll try to bill the whole weekend as my birthday and get as much mileage out of it as I can!) and grin from ear to ear when they sing to me, the cake blazing with candles! Birthdays should be celebrated well because we know not how many we will be blessed to have.

Two of my dear friends are in the battle for their lives against cancer and I feel it is a slap in their face not to treat each day, and especially birthdays as the gift that they are. My dear sweet sistas were on my mind last month when that crazy guy tight walked across the Grand Canyon. He took such an unnecessary mammoth risk, daring to mock death, while his wife and 3 young children watched. He called out for Jesus to help him all the way across. I love that Jesus loves fools, too. If he had failed it would have been hailed as a stupid loss of life. But he made it across so he goes on planning even greater feats. I pray my sweet friends are given that same option.

Birthdays, for me, are a time for reflection..both in the mirror and in the soul. The mirror shows me two deep lines on the inside of my eyebrows…they are called frown lines, but I see them deepening when I smile too. I surely have had occasion to do both in this life. I’ll pass on Botox as I see these lines as badges of honor and I know that drooling will come sooner or later in this life and I’d just as soon as be later!

I look at old pics of a younger me and see where my face used to be….and I wonder what I’ll look like as an older lady. Lines and all– I want it to be kindly looking. That’s what I am hoping.

But I have to do more than just hope for a kind looking face. I’ve heard that the face is a good indication of what’s in the heart. So there’s the challenge—kind heart = kind face. One of my favorite definitions of kindness is “lending someone your strength”. That is what being kind is all about…coming along side someone and holding out to them what we have to give in that moment. It may be a skill (changing a flat tire), or materially, if we are able to give from our abundance. Most likely, and best of all is when we give from the overflow of our heart …hope to the disheartened, a helping hand to the weary and sometimes just the gift of time and presence.

Birthdays are a time for reflection. The Christian life is a life of reflection. A constant assessment of how we are measuring up…not to one another, but to the only standard of goodness that matters…Jesus. As I do my soul introspection, I run through the mental list: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. How am I doing on those accounts, I ask myself?

I’m not brave enough to ask those close to me who would give me an honest answer.

So I ask as a prayer, for guidance to make changes to those areas that need attention. Those areas that will get me to my kindly looking face, and in the process help me have the wisdom that comes with living a good long while. And wisdom? Here’s what the Bible says wisdom does:

Wisdom lights up a persons face,

Softening its harshness.

Ecc. 8:1

Yep, it’s in there.

Wisdom is the spiritual Botox I need.

The year that I turned 40, I read a book by Valerie Bell called And She Can Laugh at the Days to Come. In the book Valerie tells the story of waiting for her hair to process and reading a magazine article about making a personal list of 25 things to accomplish before turning 40. Inspired, she set out to make her own list, only to realize that every one of her 25 things to accomplish before turning 40 was in some way clinging to life here on earth. As a Christian, and believing that her soul would forever be with Christ, she made a new list that would be a guide for developing 25 things in her character that she would take with her after death.

That was a concept that had never really hit home with me before…part of me, the woman I am here on earth, will be a part of the soul that stands before the Lord. That means I can start working now on good things that I will have there—no effort here in that account gets wasted! (However, I’d better have a new and improved <translated: perky> body when I get there!)

Here’s to all of us middle aged women who celebrate another birthday with joy, and don’t try to deny our true age! My niece, Laura, made this and I LOVE IT!!

Laura's quote

Today I am 54!!!!

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

Love Me Some Duck Dynasty

Posted on August 19, 2013 by Stephanie
  • It’s no secret to those who know us…our family is crazy for Duck Dynasty. How could we not be little nuts about a family of duck hunters when the name of our farm is Mallard’s Run? (Just to set the record straight…it was named that because of a pair of Mallard ducks that nested every spring in the stream in front of our house….not because we kept them on the run!) As fans we have bought our share of Duck Dynasty paraphernalia and my iPhone ring tone is a duck quacking. Seriously.The first time I saw this show, I did not know what I was looking at. It was the episode where the daughter in laws were helping make Miss Kay (their mother in law) some pretty aprons. Daughter in laws loving their mother in law…this was a show I could get behind!

    My daughter in law and my other son’s girlfriends called me Miss Steph long before there was a Miss Kay on the telly. I hope they don’t stop when the grand kids come and I get the last name I’ll get on this earth, from my grandbabies.

    Similarities abound between me and Miss Kay:

    1-We both gave birth to only male children. (I have 3, she has 4—we both have one son who is a pastor.)

    2-We both love to cook. (Count me out on squirrel brains and frog legs, though.)

    3-We both know how to get what we want from our men. (Watch the show to figure that one out.)

    4-We both love a bunch of men who live for hunting season. (My guys watch for camo patterns on the Robertsons like I watch the Real Housewives of OC.)

    The crazy antics of this A & E show are mostly corny and contrived by the show’s producers, but aside from the set up-the family is allowed a lot of freedom of expression. Which I know drive the wacky folks at PETA nuts…especially when you get the Robertson men discussing their visceral hatred of beavers and the great lengths they go to trying to eradicate them. All of those explosions and Uncle Si’s bomb making must have them on every NSA and ATF watch list around.

    And I kinda love that about them. I think one of my boys is on that list too. (Google tannerite.)

    I love the way they put their faith in Christ out there, with a “cancel our show if you want to but we’re not shutting up” swagger. I love that they don’t try to appease everyone.

    I. AM. SICK. OF. APPEASING. CRAZY. PEOPLE!!!

    There I said it. Feel much better.

    And while these Louisiana duck men and their brood are passionate about their faith, they are gracious to a fault to those who hate them and wish they would just go away. I mean, how annoying is it for liberal America to have the most beloved family in the country not living at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave?

    Ok, I’m stopping.

    Case in point: This past week when the season premiere of Duck Dynasty aired, the whole Robertson family was in NYC for the rounds on entertainment and new channels. It was reported that Jase Robertson, one of the sons, was kicked out of Trump Hotel because of his long beard and wearing camo. He was escorted out the back door by one of Donald’s employees.

    God help that man when the Donald gets a hold of him.

    In an interview about the event, Jase joked that he was the victim of “facial profiling” and hoped the employee would not be treated harshly. I just love gracious people. Folks who don’t jump up and down and demand apologies or Secret Service investigations because there was a misunderstanding.

    I promise I’ll stop now.

    No one knows how long this family will stay at the top of the ratings charts. They know that this is only a season of their lives and they are determined to live out their faith in God and love for each other in an authentic and endearing way for as long as the show is renewed. That makes me happy, happy, happy.

    America is loving it. I’m happy for Miss Kay and her clan. And for us. As Phil Robertson would say,”There’s hope for America!”

    I pray so.

    Blessings,
    Stephanie

Posted in Faith, Family, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Midlife Crisisisis

Posted on August 16, 2013 by Stephanie

When it comes to mid-life crisisisisisisis…..some gals get tattoos, some pierce their nose or have sexual affairs. Me? I became a professional storyteller. And by that I mean-I got paid to tell stories.

This always bothered one of my brother-in-laws…. that someone would pay me money to tell a story which is, by virtue of my southern heritage—part of my DNA. Southerners can’t help it—other folks sing lullaby’s to quiet and console-southern babies learn quickly to shut their mouths at the sound of 4 little words: Once upon a time.

When I left the south for the frozen tundra of the north (aka, Maryland), I slowly started to forget about some of the wonderful amazing parts of my birthright-until the day that a professional storyteller came to my son’s preschool class.

Professional storyteller? Why I had never heard of such. So I volunteered to help that day in the classroom and my world was slightly altered forever. The teller was an older lady (a little older than I am now) and she was FAB-U-LOUS!!! While 3 year olds fidgeted and squirmed, I was captivated into, what I later learned was called a story trance.

You know the life of a young mom of three boys under the age of six is crazy and she is desperate for escape when she gives into a story meant for a 3 year old. (Sad, but true.) One of the many reasons that I vowed to never forget the hardships of young mothers everywhere. Which is why I can be spotted in Target giving mothers of screaming toddlers pep talks and back rubs.

A couple of weeks after seeing the teller in the preschool class-the catalog for non credit classes at our local community college arrived and lo and behold, there was a beginner storytelling class being taught by the fabulous preschool teller. I really shouldn’t call her this because she was soooo accomplished. She was well known throughout our metropolitan area and highly sought after. I didn’t ask my husband if I could do it (who asks for permission to have a midlife crisis?)—I just registered and he found himself along for the ride.

He did have 2 stipulations for this new endeavor that I was embarking on:

1- I could not wear artsy fartsy storytelling clothes.

2- I had to keep my roots dyed.

He said that the first time I showed up with a long flowy skirt and gray hair the same way—storytelling would be over for me.

Don’t be haters….he really did me a favor, because I had to learn to craft stories with words, no props. An invaluable tool for a storyteller wannabe.

Which is the back story to how I became known in the Baltimore story circles as “The Eddie Bauer Storyteller”. (EBS i.e. – telling stories in classic clothing.)

There was one festival where an intervention was staged—the other tellers showed up with an artsy fartsy outfit for me to wear, to keep with the “spirit of the night”. A long flowy skirt and a peasant top—I agreed to it, but knew I looked ridiculous. I mean pleats and gathers on a chunky girl is just not a great look.

Part of storytelling 101 is the use of what is called the story triangle. (Now, if I was really good at techno stuff-this is where I would insert a cool diagram. But I can’t so work with me—in your mind imagine a triangle with 3 corners…got it?) <grin>

In an ideal storytelling situation…the teller tells a story that they know very well, have some connection to and is appropriate for that specific audience. We say a storyteller has to be:

1-True to the story

2-True to the audience

3-True to themselves.

If those 3 things line up…its magic. Really.

I had some of those moments. I also had some that flopped. Both taught me a lot about myself, the craft I was learning and about the kindness of audiences and the storytelling community. While I’d had considerable experience with public speaking, I had never been billed as an entertainer. Being identified as a part of that whole community was so out of context for my life as a stay at home, homeschooling mom that I guess it got classified as a kind of rebellion for me.

As with all midlife crisisisisisis…my days as a professional teller came to an end. I think it served, for me, the purpose that all midlife bumps do (if we don’t go too far!): they remind us that we have come a long way in our life journey and the future is uncertain. Midlife is a good time to reevaluate what’s really important along life’s way. And if we don’t like the direction we’re headed, to make some changes. Direction determines destination, right?

I had always loved stories, oral and written, that fact about me got lost along the way of becoming a wife and a mom. Like mothers everywhere, parts of my “true self” got suppressed so that I could pour my life into the little ones in my charge. I just needed to come up for air to find the me I had always known. And I found that I was still there.

I will always remember my stint as a professional storyteller fondly. The men in my family..not so much. I was constantly trying new stories out on them (a less than enthusiastic audience) and spending many evenings away from home with my storytelling world folks.

And in the end, the stories that I was learning to tell, became less important to me than the story that was happening in my home. I realized that the story triangle I loved most of all was the one I was living. The story of a young family finding their way in a world fraught with adventure and the great unknown-where love wins in the end…now what could ever compete with that?

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Family, Midlife Maze, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Return of the Stink Bugs

Posted on August 12, 2013 by Stephanie

South Florida has pythons and Texas has killer bees. If you live in the Northeast you probably have come in contact with our new pestilence called stink bugs. If you don’t have them now…you soon will. They are on the move, so dear southern people, tell the palmetto bugs (or as we call them up here: roaches) to get ready for new neighbors. My hub and I were in Florida in March and he found one there!

I dare you to say to my face that it hitch hiked with us.

Misery loves company, but I would not wish a stink bug infestation on anybody. Well. Maybe Orange County, California—as long as the Real Housewives there would be shown finding them in their jewelry boxes. Now THAT would be something worth seeing! (Go west, young stink bugs!)

I don’t know, nor do I care to know, what their official genus and species is…the only thing I want to know is the name of the person who packed them onto a crate bound for Pennsylvania and started this hell we are put through most months of the year.

A pox upon them.

Stinkbug

They are gray, ugly, armor plated insects that you just want to squish the time out of them because they have driven you CRAZY!!! But we all warn each other.”Don’t smush them!” They are called stink bugs because of the musty odor that is released from God knows where when they are smushed. It’s also like a pheromone (or so my son tells me) that is used in the courtship ritual.

All I have to say on that account is P. U.

With the absence of stink bugs, this summer has been blissfully peaceful with the usual pesky mosquitoes, flies and ticks. I would happily endure those creatures year round if we could dispense with the stinkbugs. They fly up in your face when you lie in bed, you can be sitting in a chair, minding your business-watching TV..and you look over and one is perched on your glass of water. Ewwwwww!!! They are everywhere-it’s the annoyance that bugs both country and city folks alike.

No pun intended. Well, maybe.

They get into everything. In my attic they are INSIDE Rubbermaid containers that have been tightly closed and they are ALIVE!!!! When I pulled my Christmas decorations out in December, they were there. They love dark colored fabrics, so when I am rooting through the mountains of camo clothing on my back porch, I tread gingerly. When I was spring cleaning, I went to take down navy curtains in one of the bedrooms and found colonies of them huddled together in the rod pocket.

I still haven’t recovered fully from that one.

I can handle them anywhere but in the kitchen. I am afraid to walk away from whatever I am cooking. I fear that they will dive bomb into the meatloaf, I won’t see it, mix it in and …well, it just would be an awful thing. So I keep a water bottle with a small amount of water in it and then I scoop up all the ones I see. I like to think of it as Stink Bug Club Med.

Or water boarding.

They finally disappeared in June. I asked my middle son, who is studying them so that he can become a gazillionaire when he figures out how to exterminate them- where they went. He said, “You don’t want to know, mom.” “Excuse me…YES. I. DO.” He said that they were under the siding of the house and the barns, laying eggs, getting ready to reemerge in the fall.

That freaks me out, and that is hard to do. I raised 3 boys.

I’m trying to handle the whole “they are everywhere” thing like a mature adult. Obviously a bug that neither stings, nor eats fabric is not as nasty as those that do. At least that is what I tell my dear daughter in law who is PETRIFIED of them and screams like a banshee when she sees one. (But no judgment from me..that is the exact same reaction I have when I see a mouse. Again, no judgment from me. We are in this together, baby!) She has adjusted pretty well to country living-we are both former city girls and country living is not exactly like it looks in the glossy magazines. Ants in the spring. Mice in the winter.

And stink bugs at all times.

Get ready…they are coming to a town near you soon!

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Family, Farm, Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Signs of the Times

Posted on August 9, 2013 by Stephanie

We just returned from our family vacation—the first one we have had in 3 years. It’s very different vacationing with adult children than when they were little. For one thing- not all our boys could make it. ( I got over it, really. Really, I was fine with it….) The married one had to use vacation time for his honeymoon-so only two came with us- one son flew in from AZ, the other brought his girlfriend- to meet the rest of our extended Georgia family—totaling 20-my siblings, spouses, nieces, nephews, girlfriends, fiancé’s, grandparents. We were all there. Almost.

It was kinda nice to have grown kids on vacation. No need to remind about reapplying sunscreen, REAL help in schlepping beach gear to and from the house, relieved of the burden of constant beach entertainment, they paid for their own meals when we went out to eat AND they even picked up stock groceries…twice! <woo-hoo!!>

When our boys were young, the yearly trip to South Carolina beaches meant seeing extended family, who drove from the Atlanta area, all 19 people squeezed into one giant house, playing at the ocean edge, riding bicycles, teaching them to play Spades (our fav fam card game) and eating our weight in fresh shrimp. We loaded up the van with bikes and boogie boards and would pull out in the wee hours of the night to begin the 10 hour haul to Myrtle Beach and later the Isle of Palms.

When we crossed over into North Carolina, we would start to see signs for a place called South of the Border, a tourist trap right over the South Carolina border. Back in the old days, we used it as a pit stop for the guys (since they were all current on their shots and guys pee standing up), but we were paranoid about spending too much time there. Seedy.

south of the border2south of the border

We knew it was going to be that way due to the over abundance of O-B-N-O-X-I-O-U-S signs that we had to endure the entire 329 miles of I -95 in North Carolina. The signs had this little guy in a Mexican sombrero named Pedro and he always had something to say. The signs WERE entertaining (and let’s face it—anything that entertains 3 boys for several hours that doesn’t involve electronics or the twentieth round of the ABC game—I’m all for!) and so I made up a game that they played every year as we drove through NC. I saved dimes and nickels the month before and I made up a play sheet that I distributed as we crossed the NC state line—let the game begin.

Oh-one more thing. There is a tower welcoming people to South of the Border that can be seen miles away. The first one to see the tower got a dollar. (They were little, OK?) It was a highlight, trust me, back in the day.

Side note: Once the boys hit their teens, I used the captive audience car ride for an even more fun game called: What Would Emily Post Do? I highly recommend it as a way to teach young men where to put their napkins in a nice restaurant and how to enter and exit a cab with a young lady—(trickier than you’d guess). So much fun for all of us! Yeah, I mean yes, I am that mom.

Anyhoo- my hub and I had a delightful car ride to SC, alone with conversation uninterrupted as we caravanned (sort of) with our youngest and his gal. As we got into NC – he sent me the following text:(on his girlfriend’s phone as his battery had died—one of the great things about having adult kids…their problems are not yours…well sort of.)

Texting with Erika

There are lots of adjustments to be made in life once the kids are on their own. Some good, some sad…some are grand! Like getting to keep all my nickels and dimes!

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Family, Midlife Maze, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Hindsight is 20/20

Posted on August 4, 2013 by Stephanie

I have glaucoma.

I’ve had glaucoma for almost 8 years now. Glaucoma, I used to think, was for old people. Certainly not for a 45 year old. That’s how old I was when I was diagnosed. Glaucoma runs in families. Thanks, daddy.

8 years of daily eye drops, frequent pressure checks and visual field studies. And 2 years ago I had my first surgery after the drops couldn’t control the pressure any longer.

It’s a disease that makes you always fixated on your eyes; because you know that you are at risk for losing your sight. The drug companies certainly know that therefore a tiny bottle of eye drops cost hundreds of dollars. Robbery.

And of course there is the fear factor. Whenever I hear phrases like “through a glass dimly” or “as the light began to fade” I get edgy.

I don’t know what the future holds with my eyes.

I’ve said before that I wish that God would crack open the door of the future for just a little glimpse. A hint of things to come. It would have been such a handy asset for my Type A personality: How many children would I have had…that they would be all boys (so that I could prepare myself for not having a daughter and quit fretting with each pregnancy)? Would I ever get to move back to south and root for my beloved Tennessee Vols in a land where loving orange wasn’t weird? What friends would stand by me, thick or thin (and I’m not talking waist lines here!) so I would know who to invest my life in to avoid being hurt.

One of the best people in my life is a guy that I met while I was in college in Tennessee, working at the church camp where his dad was the dean. He was an annoying 8 year old, who liked to splash me in the pool. Grrrr.

He grew up to become an amazing pastor and family man. He didn’t stay in Tennessee-he moved to Maryland. He became a pastor at my church, living 4 miles from us. He poured his youth ministry into my 3 boys, at times crossing over into the realm of being a big brother to each of them. He preached at my oldest son’s ordination and has forever a place in our lives.

How come I couldn’t have known that back when he was 8?

I wrote a letter to this precious man on his 30th birthday—If I Had Only Known was the theme of my letter. The things I would have done differently, if I had only known back then what I knew now. I would have played happily in the pool with him, bought him a Coke at the canteen, and gone out of my way to start paying with kindness, on the debt that was coming my way.

Hindsight is 20/20.

In the Bible, God says:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways” Isaiah 55:8

That explains it. Sort of.

As much I would love a glimpse into the future, I have learned to trust the Lord to know what is best for me. When I think about being able to look ahead—I think only of the good things that I would be anticipating happily with hands outstretched ready to grab a hold of me some goodness!

But what about the other parts of life? God is good-He protects us from knowing the hardship ahead-the cancer diagnosis, the failed marriage, the terminally ill son or the accident that cripples forever. For me, the possibility of losing my eyesight. Knowing those life events would be waiting around the bend would rob of us of all potential joy in the day we were living.

Jesus says:

Do not worry about your life….who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt. 6: 25…34

If I can learn not to worry about what might happen, and quit thinking about all the possible scenarios that could change my world, I might relax and enjoy the journey a little more. I might be able to see God’s dealings with this world a little clearer. Whether I choose to trust Him or not, my times are in His hands. Yours are too.

Corrie Tem Boom wrote a poem that beautifully illustrates trusting God with what we cannot see:

Life Is But a Weaving

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.

The last line, “He gives the very best to those who leave the choice to Him” is a gentle reminder to live with open hands, take the good and the bad and trust God to be there all along.

Thank God that I can only see today clearly.

It has to be enough.

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Faith, Midlife Maze, Uncategorized | Leave a comment