Fried Okra and the Holy Trinity

Posted on July 29, 2013 by Stephanie

If you are a foodie, like me, you may have heard that folks in New Orleans refer to the blend of onions, celery and bell pepper as the holy trinity—the basis for Cajun cooking. I can get on board with that—lots of fine things happen when a dish starts with that trio.

But the holy trinity of my culinary world is creamed corn, sliced tomatoes and fried okra. Holy- because this is what I will eat in heaven- as much and as often as I want and not ruin my perfect new body. Creamed corn is the gold in my garden, which should be ready next week and deserving of its own blog post so I’ll get cranked on that in the near future. I’m sure.

This is about fried okra.

Before any of you turn your nose up (or click to another site), let me just say up front: Stewed okra is an abomination of the Lord and should never be allowed in one’s home, lest it be defiled. Why stewed okra is the only preparation known in the world outside of the south is a mystery. Which isn’t worth talking about. Ever.

I am here to sing the praises of fried okra. Oh, how I love thee.

One of the few true memories I have of my nanny (my mom’s mom) was her ability to make The. Best. Fried. Okra. Ever. She made it just the way I love it: dark brown and crunchy—good enough to eat alone, almost like popcorn—but when placed next to creamed corn…oh my. Heaven. Every time I set to making fried okra (like I did this weekend) I have in my mind my nanny’s okra as the gold standard.

I got the first cutting of my okra on Saturday. God’s mercy to me is that it even grows in this Yankee state. Maryland, My Maryland is technically south of the Mason Dixon line (the line is 5 miles from our farm)-but they know nothing of being southern. It’s the place where the Cracker Barrel waitresses whisper a warning that the corn bread “is not sweet”. Yeah, honey, I know…..hold the biscuits—bring the cornbread. They think grits grow on trees. I’m doing my best here to educate…but they are a pretty hopeless cause when it comes it anything outside of seafood. And corn –which is their redemption. But like I said…more about that later.

The fact that cutting okra is the itchiest job in the garden is hardly worth mentioning. Small sacrifice.

My mom (who makes good fried okra…not as good as her mom) taught me that okra can be fried, cooled, bagged and frozen –and if placed on a cookie sheet in a 400 degree oven till crispy- tastes almost as good as fresh fried okra. And that is what I did on Saturday afternoon. I snuck a few crispy pieces as I bagged it up, anticipating the blessed meal of creamed corn, okra and sliced tomatoes to come.

I had the best intention to keep that okra for the winter. Truly I did. But knowing it was there in my freezer ….it was drawing me like fly to pie. So Sunday, after church….with fried chicken in hand…I walked directly to the freezer, pulled out a new bag of frozen okra, cranked the oven to 400 and waited for goodness.

Even my hub who usually turns his Maryland nose up at fried okra had seconds.

There’s nothing like a convert to the holy trinity.

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Farm, Food | 1 Comment

Kate Middleton and Me…..and Our Shawl

Posted on July 24, 2013 by Stephanie

With all the news about the royal birth this week, I felt that it was time that I made public my connection with the Princess of Cambridge. It all started with a green shawl.

But first, I’d like to point out that Kate and I have a lot in common: we are both brunettes, we are both married to princes of a guy, we both are the “older” sister, and we both, as of this week, have first-born sons.

We also both have a shawl like the one she made famous (thanks to my bestie-a world class knitter who followed the PODCAST—yes, there was a PODCAST on how to knit Kate Middleton’s shawl –women all over the world started on the same day-knitting this shawl). Crazy, right?

kate-middleton-300x400

See this shawl? There are sites on the internet devoted to this shawl…check it out. NOT JOKING!!!! Look for me, this fall, in the Shop Rite parking lot with the same outfit. I have a white V-neck shirt, black jeans and pearl drop earrings– I tell you the resemblance will be striking. Trust me.

The real story of the green shawl is a story of friendship.

Not me and Kate’s though. And while looking like Kate will be quite wonderful, most wonderful of all is the blessing of an amazing lifelong friend named Marlene.

One of the wonderful things about middle age is that you have the chance to look over large parts of your life and see how pieces from the past line up with the present. When you look through the eyes of a faith perspective–the goodness and faithfulness of God is mind blowing.

What I thought was only a fun college friendship marked by fits of laughter, midnight munchie runs and spending hours and hours in the East Tennessee mountains hiking and camping-was really a prelude to the truly important parts of my life.

I had no idea….God knew all along.

Her friendship made my big move to MD after college, not so scary-as I left all my family in the south. She introduced me to my hub, we had our babies together, homeschooled together-been through graduations (high school and college), showers, deployments (her son) weddings and hopefully grandbabies (she’s already got 2.5). We have served side by side at our church through countless VBS’s, youth ministry volunteers and in the missions ministry.

She and a few other close girlfriends stand in the gapping hole left by my not living close to my 2 precious sisters in GA–crossing over friendship into the realm of sisterhood.

We joke that we will be the old gray-haired ladies sitting in the back of the church together when we are 80.

She’ll be 81, of course.

While my bestie was knitting the shawl, I occasionally heard descriptions of the type of needle, the pattern name and the kind of wool blend she was using. All I heard was- “blah, blah, blah…and soon your shawl will be ready!” < woo-hoo!!>

You know you have a great friend when- she listens to the covetous in your voice as you describe something you want, and instead of reminding you of the tenth commandment she looks to see how she can help you get what you want!

You know you have a great friend when-everywhere she goes, she carries your blankity- blank- blank shawl with her- on vacation, to work, while she watches TV, etc.

You know you have a great friend when-all of her family can tell you exactly where she is in the knitting construction of the *&## shawl. (Apparently, the ruffle was made separate and then attached or something like that.)

You know you have a great friend when –she pours her knit and pearled life into something that you will treasure forever….because it’s beautiful, but mostly because it was made with her hands.

She gave the shawl to me on the day of my soon to be daughter-in-law’s bridal shower, after all the guests had left. Our other bestie and my two sisters were there for the presentation. It was a celebration fit for a princess—which is how I feel every time I wear it. Royalty.

Everyone should have a friend like her.

Sure hope Kate does.

besties

Me and my besties. I’m the brunette-(like Kate), LB is in the middle and the knitter, Marlene is the blonde.

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Friendship, Midlife Maze, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

CSM (Can’t Stop Mothering) Anonymous

Posted on July 19, 2013 by Stephanie

There are all kinds of self-help groups around these days, and I’m sure I qualify for more than one-but the one that I need the most help with is the one to help stop over-mothering.

One of the hardest parts of getting older, for me, has been adapting to the changing roles that a mom plays in the life of her children. It doesn’t come easy to go from having a starring role in your kid’s lives to being a bit player. There are no awards given for Best Mom in a Supportive Role.

While it is hard to change thinking, I am determined to get a nomination for this award, from the only ones who matter-my boys. Only one of my 3 boys is married at this point. One has a serious girlfriend and the other is single and lives 3000 miles away. Married or single, they are all full grown men, totally self sufficient (meaning I no longer do their laundry) and do not “need” their mama.

Despite all my cognitive awareness of their separateness from me–they are forever my babies (even the one who is 6’5”!)…. I might need occasional reminding of that fact. Sometimes from them. Many times from my hub. Even a few admonishments from others. Ouch.

So I do what other Icantstopmothering people do: I keep looking for people I can mother.

I’ll take anyone-my nieces and nephews, college kids living away from home, young adults who want a home cooked meal, young families where that mama just needs a break, single parents who are weathering a new divorce. We had a 15 year old Native American boy who lived with us for over a year and that was good for both of us. He needed a momma and I was honored to be his for a while.

I am always on the lookout (prowl) for those who need a mother: At church or in Target. I have a no discrimination policy. Some of my favorite people to mother I have found in the strangest of places. Some have come to me as HO’s (hang ons) of other friends. Others I have downright stolen.

Shamelessly.

And it baffles me why I am this way—I have a great life outside being a mom. I have an amazing husband and we LOVE empty nesting (even though our nest is rarely empty). And I gotta admit—I kinda LOVE that! I am always making soup for the freezer and buying extra groceries..just in case, you might never know who will show. I keep clean sheets on the beds, just in case, someone needs to stay.

Just in case. Mother words. “Don’t forget to______, just in case.”

Pathetic you say? For crying out loud- move on and embrace a new stage of life! I am trying, really. And on most days I do a pretty good job of letting go…

It’s just that sometimes, I look back, in my minds eye and wonder where the days went. The days of active mothering when little boys had scrapes and cuts and needed kisses for boo boos, and every trip outside brought back a rock or feather as a gift for me. Precious memories of a bygone time.

All the years of sitting on the sidelines cheering at lacrosse games are helping me now to remember how I need to be in their lives.

Sitting on the sidelines cheering them on. Yes, I’m sure that’s best.

I’m just not a “sidelines” kinda girl….yet. So, moms of America, be good to your kids-I just might try to mother yours!

And while there is not an award for Best Mom in a Supportive Role-there should be.

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Family, Midlife Maze, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Living in a Digital World and I am a Digital Girl

Posted on July 12, 2013 by Stephanie

Or at least I am trying to be.

My 77 year old mother has been nagging me for the past 2 years that I have owned an iPhone, that I am glued to “that phone”. She complained to my sisters about me and she complained to me about them. Trouble is…”that phone” is sooo much more than a phone.

It’s a lifeline to my present and to my future.

The truth is….we (my sisters and I, and I’m guessing some of you too) are trying—what feels to be too little too late, – to catch a wave in a digital ocean that threatens to engulf us and leave us behind if we don’t have some measure of understanding of the current technology and social media. I have to always keep pushing myself with the goal that at some point my interacting with electronics will be second nature-like it is for my kids.

I realize if I want to continue to be relevant in my kid’s world and have any chance at all in my grandkids world…I have to try, on some level, to “get it”. And this “it” doesn’t come natural to most of the folks my age.

I passed on the “My Space” era. So, I was not about to be left behind when Facebook started up. I “friended” each of my boys—(one of them refused-at first). Then, they told me that my generation “ruined” Facebook and they left for Twitter. I followed them there.

Like many areas of my life right now, I feel like I’m caught in the middle of this digital/techno/electronic whatever. Too old to possess the natural ability to “just know” what buttons to push, and how to maneuver any device put into my hands.

Too young to opt out of the whole mess.

I am blown away that a picture that I take with my cell phone will automatically show up on my lap top. Shut up. How do they do that?

No, don’t tell me. I don’t need to know.

I own almost every electronic gadget (do they still use that word?) that Apple makes, but sadly, cannot begin to do use fully every function on any one device. My most common question: “It can do that??” Wow.

I have noticed that there are some lessons in technology that I think apply to life as well.

Such as:

– When the computer screen freezes, press Ctrl + Alt + Delete. (Do over, please.)

-The curvy arrow thingy on dashboard is Undo. (My ugly words, actions and thoughts….yes, thank you-I need one of those.)

-If all the things you’ve tried don’t seem to be working and you can’t figure out why- power the device down. (Take a nap.)

I’m sure there is a “For Dummies” book out there to help me, but I’m not sure I need to know everything about gigabytes and 1080p. I just want to know enough to get by, to look cool and most of all… keep up with my kids.

I sort of envied my mom-that she could choose to leave this planet without knowing how to text, tweet or be tied to an electronic device. She could be excused because of her age. No one would fault her.

And my sisters and I knew that her complaining about us was woman code for: she was feeling left out. Left out of the picture sharing and a little jealous of the constant communication we had with our kids and each other.

That was before SHE got an iPhone. (Well, technically, my sisters and I got her an iPhone.) What were we thinking?

The first time she saw her phone (with the cute purple case) she was very excited, and more than a little terrified. But we reassured her that she could learn to handle the phone (she kept banging the touch screen) and that she could go to classes to learn how to use it.

She immediately joined the throng of senior citizens who meet weekly at the local Verizon store for iPhone classes. Only problem is…she won’t go to another class till she masters what was covered in the last one. This may take a while.

It’s been a little over a month now, and despite her frustration with learning something so very new, she has managed well. Receiving grandkid’s texts and pictures from my sister while she was in Europe has made the hard transition to a smart phone worthwhile for her.

In fact, Dad just called to say “your mother has turned into a phone freak.”

Guess it runs in the family.

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Family, Midlife Maze, Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Heat Waves

Posted on July 1, 2013 by Stephanie

The US is in the midst of the first heat wave of the season. Record temps are being set in AZ and across the desert southwest. In Death Valley, CA- it’s only a couple of degrees from the hottest ever recorded temperature in history. Of any place. EVER.

In fact, I heard that folks visiting Las Vegas, left the casinos and rented cars yesterday so they could make the 3 hour drive to Death Valley to “experience the heat”. Idiots.

I’d lay a bet that not one of those folks trekking out to test the temps was a middle aged woman in the throes of life change. Heck no. Why go there when it feels like Death Valley every night about 2:30am?

For those wondering what a hot flash feels like (Side note: Before I started into the big M, I asked a friend of mine how you could tell if you were having hot flashes. She correctly answered: “It’s kind of like an orgasm-if you have to ask, you’re not having one.”) I digress.

While hot flashes may differ somewhat from woman to woman, I think we can all agree that it is one of the worst parts of having “the change”. That and the mood swings. The hot flashes, the mood swings and the screaming out of body experiences where you float high above the room and look down on the screaming episode and wonder who that person in your body is, and why is she so mad?!

What? It’s just me??

However, being a nurse and not wanting to lead anyone astray-I thought I would see what the medical community has to say about hot flashes and I came across this nugget:

While the onset, duration, frequency and severity of hot flashes varies greatly between women, hot flashes often begin one or two years before a woman’s last period and can last anywhere from six months to fifteen years.

Fifteen years!!!! Are you kidding me????

The same site went on with this advice:

Simple daily (emphasis mine) changes that can greatly help a menopausal woman manage hot flashes include:

• Considering air conditioning, ceiling and floor fans, and even small personal handheld fans. (Personal handheld fans? Cause we don’t cause enough distraction with our sweating and red faces??)

• A woman can also manage hot flashes by arriving to meetings and other events early. (Seriously? “Jane, why are you here so early?” “I’m trying to beat my hot flash.” “Oh, sorry I asked.”)

• Keeping ice water or another cold beverage on hand during the day and night. (Yes, please.)

• Taking a cool shower before bed. (How does this help at 2am?)

• Using cotton sheets and avoiding silk or synthetics. (Finally, a practical tip, but- did we really need someone to tell us that silk + sweat=gross?)

• Keeping a cold pack under or near the pillow and turning the pillow often can also help keep a woman cool and minimize hot flashes. (Kept in the cooler next to the bed? Or are we destined for a wet pillow to keep us cool?)

They had me at “daily”.

Keep cool!

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Midlife Maze, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Well, hey there.

Posted on June 29, 2013 by Stephanie

Hey there. Not “hello”. Not “hi”. Around our house we say, “hey”. It’s how we treat a close friend or someone we want to bring closer. That’s you, perhaps.

I’ve sat on the sidelines of blogdom for too long. I’ve read how all these young women (babies, really!) are sharing advice on topics such as recipes, decorating tips, parenting advice, etc.– as they build their young lives and homes. I have so many observations, but only one question: Why are there so few gals my age–walking (or stumbling some of the time) through the midlife maze, willing to put it out there? We haven’t come this far to keep what we’ve learned to ourselves, have we?

Those of us saying goodbye to kids leaving for college and weddings, dealing with nightly hot flashes, navigating newly empty nests and caring honorably for aging parents? Those of us who want to keep a sense of purpose and passion about life as we walk through these middle years?

I don’t know how one can really prepare for this half-time of life…the feelings of “in between” and “over too soon” and “but I really don’t feel 53!” all rolled into one body.

I do know that when I talk these feelings out with my gal pals walking this same journey, it lessens the load I feel. I stand up a little straighter and walk a little faster. I realize that my life is not half over…it’s still waiting for me to come leave my mark.

Nothing’s off the table–we can talk about hormones and headaches and husbands, in no particular order. And we can talk about life in general: what’s growing in your garden, what’s cooking, or places we have traveled or hope to visit. And lots about family!

In the Bible, there is a description of an ideal woman that has become a measure for godly women across the ages. It talks about all the wonderful things this woman can do: she rises early to care for her family, runs her own business, cares for the poor and needy, acts in beauty and confidence in her daily life. But of all the things this woman has accomplished that I love, there is something that she is able to do that I want with all my heart–it’s this:

* She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she is able to smile at the future.

Growing old is not for sissies. There are lots of opportunities to fear. I want to look ahead with peace and with a measure of joy for how far I’ve been allowed to come in this journey.

So consider yourself invited, to my big front porch, down a country road. Choose the swing or one of the two black rockers to sit in and let’s tell stories to encourage each other. And hey, maybe we can learn to smile at the future.

*Proverbs 31: 25

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Faith, Midlife Maze, Uncategorized | 7 Comments