Our Good Neighbors

Posted on November 4, 2013 by Stephanie

It’s that time of year when I head out to my gardens to clean off the dead plants and get them ready for winter.  After a couple of heavy frosts, they have finally bit the dust.

I have several flower gardens around the farm, this one is probably my favorite:

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 This is what it looks like in the late spring….show stopping gorgeous, right in front of where I park my car. I get a pretty “welcome home” everyday in May.  The bones of this garden was planted almost 20 years ago as a gift from a dear friend, an elderly lady named Libby, who once lived in our old house as it passed hands in and out of the family over the last 200 years.

Lib (or Mary Lib as many called her) taught me all I know about flower gardening.  Side by side we would pull out unwanted weeds such as moon vine and chickweed. In the spring when the wild violets were erupting all over due to their invasive root system, I can hear her voice saying, “I don’t object to those, they have such a pretty little blue flower.”

Out of love for Libby, I don’t object either.

She took cuttings from her own garden and planted them in the English Country Garden fashion as a housewarming present after our new addition was finished. (20 years ago)  She planted hostas, coneflowers, astilbe, old-fashioned phlox, day lilies and lamb’s ears. I have added several other varieties over the years, and the original plants have been divided and given to others to add to their gardens.

“Never thank someone for a plant, or it won’t grow.” Libby’s advice to me has been shared every time I divided plants and given them away. Funny how some sayings become a part of the fabric of who we become.

Just like the people that come in and out of our lives.

Libby’s husband was “our good neighbor, Tracy” as my boys used to call him. Every time. Not “Mr. Tracy”, but “our good neighbor, Tracy.”

And that they were.

Their farm was right next to the farm that my hub was born into…and had been in his family for over 200 years. My hub’s folks had given us 10 acres on which to build our house. We had the land surveyed and the perk test completed. We were planning on breaking ground in March.

It was the October before that March, when Tracy and Lib realized they could no longer “keep the place up”, and came to my hub and I to ask if we would buy their farm.

I never thought about those 10 acres again for a second after that.

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This was how the house looked 28 years ago.

 Ever since I was a little girl I had wanted to live in an old house. Some of our friends thought it might be creepy….”what if it is haunted” they asked.  We told them, if there were ghosts, they were all relatives and would probably be pulling for us and happy the house was back in the family.  Besides, when you have the Holy Ghost with you, there’s no need to fear.

 We moved in here 28 years ago at the end of September with a 5-week-old baby.  Looking back, we were just babies ourselves. In the first 24 hours we had a chimney fire (thankfully my hub heard it go while we were bathing our baby, getting ready for church) and I had almost caught the stove on fire frying bacon that same first morning!

My parents thought we were crazy for wanting the old place. “The Lemon House” was how my dad referred to it, because there seemed to be always something needing to be fixed.  That’s the nature of owning an old 200-year-old house.

But I love the feeling of life that comes with an old house. People were born on beds in the upstairs rooms. People were laid out in caskets in the parlor as the family received guests at home. A little girl etched her name in one of the wavy glass windowpanes in the early 1900’s. Halda Harkins.

Real life happened here.

It still does.

My father in law gave Tracy and Lib 2 acres across from our farm to build a retirement place-a log cabin.  There they became our good neighbors, loving us as their own family. Tracy was a pipe smoker and I loved how our house smelled when we first moved in. Lib was an amazing cook and entertainer and I think between her cooking and the cherry tobacco…it formed their house “smell”.

I loved that smell. But the longer we lived in the house the more infrequently I got to smell it. Tracy and Lib have long been gone from this earth, but in our photo albums are reminders of the life we shared with them across our dirt road.

It had been several years since I had noticed the smell, thinking our house smell had finally overtaken Tracy and Lib’s. By now we have lived here longer than they did. But this July, when we got home after being away from vacation, I opened the door to the back staircase and there it was.

Memories flooded back.

And I was thankful.

Blessings,

Stephanie

Posted in Family, Farm, Friendship | 10 Comments

Stuck

Posted on October 31, 2013 by Stephanie

I met with a couple of my friends last week.

Our usual over- coffee chitchat made a derisive turn toward the serious as we wandered into a discussion about feeling stuck in our place in life. With kids grown, we were fighting against a loss of focused purpose in our chosen activities and even deeper…out spiritual walk.

Now it was getting sticky.

Going deep always is.

I’ve been reading a book by Jennie Allen, called Stuck, that identifies possible reasons that we get stuck in our faith journeys. She lists some of those reasons as feeling mad, sad, overwhelmed, scared, discontent, or broken.

We confessed that each of us could identify with at least one of those areas…. if we were brutally honest…maybe more.

We agreed that the underlying root of being stuck in our spiritual walk is sin.  Stuck in some sin. That’s an easy Sunday School answer.

What we weren’t counting on was what came next.

It started with a quote from Andrew Murray, a 19th century Scottish minister who defined humility as “fully occupied with God.”   We asked each other…if the opposite of humility is pride, and given Murray’s definitions …could pride be defined as “fully preoccupied with self”?

Ouch. The room was getting warm (or was it just me?)

We then, cautiously, decided to confess to each other what we felt was the sin that was causing us to be stuck (currently).  I need to tell you, this was not a group I could lie to.  I had known each of these ladies for at least 25 years. We had history together. Pasts linked though faith and raising babies.

Holy stuff.

As we shared openly, painfully, we became acutely aware that the root of each of those sins was pride. Pride. Fully occupied with self. That sure seemed to fit.

Raw honesty.

Raw honesty causes goose bumps to rise and tears to flow.

We urged each other to start to think of ways to get “unstuck” and vowed to help in anyway we could to start that process. But, we all knew, this is self work. No one can do it for us.

Can someone hand me a mirror?

One of my recent responses to being stuck was to withdraw. I went into what I called “a cave”.  Sin didn’t lead to being stuck. But being stuck was causing me to sin.

I spent several months at home, not engaging with my friends or my church.  At first it was just self- preservation after a traumatic ordeal. I didn’t want to talk about what we had just been through- it was too painful.  So I went into “hiding”. Thank God for online church!

One of the messages that I heard on podcast was from Steven Furtick, pastor of Elevation Church in NC. He spoke on the story of the prophet, Elijah, right after his encounter with the prophets of Baal.

(Side note: If you are unfamiliar with this story, check it out in 1 Kings chapter 18. It’s a “Hollywood- can’t –make- this- kind -of –stuff- up” story. Great drama, cool pyrotechnics!)

After Elijah’s triumph over the prophets of Baal (Ok, now I’ve let the cat out of the bag), Elijah was exhausted and on the run from Jezebel (you’ve heard of her, right?) he came to the place where he told the Lord, “I have had enough.” (1King 19:4)

Haven’t we all felt that in some way or another?

I have had enough.

At that point Elijah fell into a deep sleep. The Lord provided food and drink for him, then he got up and traveled 40 days and 40 nights to a cave.

There he promptly went into hiding. The Bible doesn’t tell us how long he stayed in the cave, but long enough for God Almighty to come looking for him. And when God came to Him, he asked Elijah what he was doing in the cave. Elijah told him that he was hiding from those trying to kill him. God told Elijah to come out of the cave, because He was about to pass by.

God wanted Elijah to see His glory so that Elijah could be reminded of the great God he was serving and encourage him to get back into the business that He had called him to do.

The point of Furtick’s message was this: we all will have a time when we need to go to a “cave”. It’s a place to rest and to restore. To heal and listen for the next step of life. To be invisible…..

But we weren’t made to live in a cave.

Real life doesn’t happen in a cave.  A life full of purpose and passion doesn’t happen in a cave.  God can reach us there….but we can’t reach others.

And on that afternoon, listening to that podcast, while I was cleaning my house-I came out of my cave.

And God passed by.

If you walk with God, you know what I mean. It means this:  I knew that God was speaking to me through that podcast message, and I had the choice to stay where I was, or to pick myself up and choose to rejoin my life.

If you don’t have a faith journey…I urge you to consider one.

If you are a Christ follower and you feel stuck in the place where you can’t go forward, and don’t want to go back…hold your hand out.

He will pass by.

Blessings,

Stephanie

Posted in Faith | 3 Comments

My Girls

Posted on October 28, 2013 by Stephanie

Last week I was visiting my family in GA, and one day my sisters and I went with our dad to the Senior Center to see him and a few of his friends pick guitars and sing.  Our dad has been playing his guitar and singing our whole lives. That was what he did to unwind after a long day of work, and we used to sing with him…we knew his whole repertoire by heart.  Music was a big part of our lives, we all played piano, guitar and were in the band at school. My dad taught all 6 of his grandsons to play the guitar, and its really quite cool when we are all together and they play and sing. This is an old pic from vacation 2008, but brings back good memories:

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 Anyhoo….on this day at the senior center-out of nowhere a karaoke machine appeared and we (my sisters and I) were hauled up front to sing with dad. Nobody would pick a song, so I picked an easy one….My Girl by Smokey Robinson and we sang and swayed for the crowd.

Too fun!

I love that song, and while it’s a love song, I like to think that it could be sang to daughters as well. My dad was belting it out to his 3 girls, for sure!

My hub and I have raised 3 boys/men. I grew up in a family of all girls, in a family that highly valued girls, so you can imagine my disappointment at having nary a one. It wasn’t for ribbons and dolls and all that little girl stuff. (Even though, some cruel person put my name on the American Doll catalog mailing list, just for spite I’m sure!)

What I really wanted was an adult daughter. That is the reward for all the whining and sassy teen years.  All for the chance to have a real companion and blessing in the second half of life.  Someone to share Thanksgiving meal preparation, take shopping and do lunch at places where they serve only chick food.

As my boys have grown into men and after several girlfriends have come and gone, we are settling into a place that I dearly love.  #2 son has been married for almost a year. #3 son has been in serious relationship for several years now, so I feel pretty confident that I have 2 daughter- in- laws in hand.

And I love both of them.

I have waited so long to do “adult daughter stuff” that you can imagine how I felt yesterday as my daughter- in -law and I met up at Starbucks for an impromptu hang out time.

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I was excited to meet and catch up.  She is finishing up grad school and working so she stays pretty busy. And even though they live one farm down the road, and are over for dinner pretty often, it was nice to see her in town.

We did the usual “how’s your day been?” chitchat, then she started telling me about one of their friend’s blog. The gal had started while she was pregnant and at this point was a mom of a 6 week old. She has been blogging about the whole “new mom” experience- including sore nipples from nursing.

This led us into a conversation about bodily changes in pregnancy, breastfeeding, and the natural birth vs. “givememyepiduralat7” discussion. As we were talking and I’m looking across the table at her, I realize that I am looking at the future mother of my grandchildren.

I got plum giddy.

Right there in Starbucks.

I was on such a “grandbaby high” that I scared myself.  It will be a couple of more years before they start a family. If I’m this way now, I’m going to have to be medicated when the real deal happens! I probably need to pace my excitement.

And while we will be overjoyed to get a boy to carry on the family name….you know what I’m pulling for…..

My girls

Blessings,

Stephanie

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Forever Friends (Part 2)

Posted on October 24, 2013 by Stephanie

Let’s finish our conversation from the last post on the topic of women’s friendships.  Most women agree that having a group of friends or even one close friend increases the quality of our lives. At the very least, she gives us someone to call when we need a dinner idea, someone to complain about the injustices of this life (Why did Downton Abbey have to kill off everyone’s favorite character?) and who will meet us at 5am for Black Friday shopping.

(Side Note: If you are not a Downton Abbey fan yet, run, don’t walk, to PBS and start watching the first 3 seasons so that when January rolls around and the whole world of American social media explodes with DA talk, you will not be left behind! It’s such a worthy show…. just looking out for you, friend!)

Face it, there is so much of a woman’s life that men have no frame of reference to understand. Ever tried to talk to a man about highlights and lowlights? Do it for fun one day…I know…let’s ALL do it and write the results in the comments section of this blog post…THAT would be some good reading!  And when we say we don’t have anything to wear, despite a closet of clothes, we don’t mean that literally.

Well maybe, sometimes.

I think that most women yearn for the kind of friends who gets them. Someone to share our day to day struggles, know who Stacey and Clinton are without explanation, and understand that our deep need for chocolate is not a choice…it’s chemistry!

All of the things I’ve mentioned so far about friendship might sound superficial at first, but that is how the foundation for the deeper stuff of relationships is built. We want friends who love us unconditionally, forgive quickly and always show up when we need them most.  By the time you reach the half time of life, many friendships have been built on shared experiences, either through childrearing or the work place.  The problem with this is that these are the variables of life, not the constants.  I wish there was an easy formula for how to make friends.  You know A + B = C.

Ok, I’m gonna stop talking math now.

While there’s probably not a guaranteed formula for making friends, here’s some thoughts about what I think works well at any age:

 5 Ways to Grow a Friendship at Any Age

 1. Seek friends who have the same core values. Not the same age, same race, same income, same marital status. Same core values.  This makes the foundation for a deep friendship possible.  Without it, you’ll be hard pressed to get into the real stuff of life with any common understanding. I have friends from a lot of different backgrounds, faith practices and life experiences.  I love them all…but the depth of friendship I have with them goes deeper the closer their core values mirror mine.  (There’s probably a math principle for this…..I just say “duh”.)

2. Take the risk of being vulnerable.  Don’t be embarrassed if you feel you don’t have any friends. I think a lot of women feel defeated before they even start the process of looking for a friend. Negative self- talk can keep you from taking those first steps in making friends. Even if you get rejected, it’s not always personal…that person may already have a full life and feels over extended. Put your big girl pants on and keep looking. I know a gal who left life as she had known it-the place she had raised her family with a group of life long friends, and moved to a completely new town, several hours away to go back to school and start a new path for the second part of her life.  That is scary stuff. She left all the people who had seen her kids grow up and moved away to a place where she was the new kid on the block. (She’s a Flake—see below.) How did she handle it?  She said “I have opened my heart to new friendships.”  That’s how it’s done.

3. Get involved in activities.  Turn off the TV, the computer and for heaven’s sake, Candy Crush! Get out of the house and you’ll find that other people are looking to make friends too. Look around at work, at your church, in your neighborhood, at the Zumba dance class… anywhere you are investing your time away from home is a good place to start looking for friends. My sisters are a part of a group of friends called The Flakes. One of the husbands gave them this name because most of them are blonde and he referred to them as “the Frosted Flakes”. They shortened it to just “The Flakes”. This group of 10 gals met during their kid’s school age years and they locked arms and lived the past 20+ years together as sista-friends. They are an amazing collection of women and such a great source of stories that I will write about them often in the future.  And it all started because they got involved with the activities surrounding their kid’s schooling, realized that they shared core values and became vulnerable with each other. BAM!

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4. Don’t assume that if someone has a friend that you can’t be their friend too. You’re not in middle school. Likewise, don’t expect too much too soon. Start as acquaintances, slowly and as trust builds, allow yourself to become more honest and open, sharing both your struggles and strong points. Give grace for misunderstandings, like missed lunch dates or sharp words. You will probably need some measure of grace too as the friendship grows! Wisdom from Jane Austen (who knew women and taught us to know ourselves!):

 “She felt that she could so much more depend upon the sincerity of those who sometimes looked or said a careless or a hasty thing, than of those whose presence of mind never varied, whose tongue never slipped.”

5. Commit yourself to the friendship. Offer this new relationship your most valuable commodity: TIME.  When you have identified a potential friend, call them and make a lunch date. Text them a couple of times a week to see how their week is going (in a non-stalkerish way, of course!), meet for a walk, or offer to help with a project they are working on.  Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”  Great friendships don’t happen in a day, a week or a month- but it takes those to build one.

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I’m hoping that someone who reads this will have the courage to make those first steps to start a friendship.

It might be the start to one of the best parts of your life!

Blessings,

Stephanie

Posted in Friendship, Midlife Maze, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Forever Friends (Part 1)

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Stephanie

This was the first song I learned in Brownies:

“Make new friends,

but keep the old,

One is silver

And the other gold.”

I dropped one of my lifelong friends at the airport after a long weekend visit. We sat at the curb, in tears as we parted.

Good friends are hard to find.

Our 30+ year long friendship was born in the fire of nursing school, back in the day when verbal abuse was common place and no one thought to bring law suits against the professors.  As Christian young women in a secular university, we held each other up with prayer and popcorn study sessions. We learned pharmacology by acting out side effects when we needed comic relief. We fell in love with our patients and these long years later, we agree they’re still the best part of the job.

She is the kind of friend that although we are separated by hundreds of miles, whenever we get on the phone or in person together, we pick up exactly where we left off.  The kind of friend who during a visit a couple of years ago, when I found out my dad had to have emergency open heart surgery—I could leave my home quickly and know she’d be able to handle everything fine before she went home.

Throughout our lives we have shared broken hearts over boyfriends, favorite recipes and countless family dramas. We have encouraged each other in our faith, counting blessings and confessing sins.

 A friendship born of shared experiences….shared ideals…..shared love for Jesus.IMG_0258 - Version 2 

 I often hear women lament that they don’t have a friend to “do life” with, and so they carry on in quiet isolation. Desperately wanting friendship, but for one reason or another, not sure how to go about finding it.  I am convinced with my whole heart that women were created to be in friendship with other women. It makes us better wives, better moms, better workers and adds a richness to life that no other relationship offers.

Thinking back to my girlhood days, when my mom would coach my sisters and I through friend issues, I realize that the truths learned then still work today. I’m sure my mom didn’t realize she was quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson all the times she told us:

“The best way to have a friend is to be a friend.”

I cannot count all the ways that my friends have enriched my life. Next to my family, the relationships I share with my friends are what bring me the greatest joy on this earthly journey!  That’s probably because so much of a woman’s world, men just can’t wrap their brains around. We are created from the beginning to be different. I know countless gals agree…their girlfriends are one of the irreplaceable parts of daily life.

But maybe you’re one of those gals who could use a few more friends, maybe you’ve just moved to a new area, maybe the change of life season has taken you out of your old circle of friends -the people you were involved with as a part of your kids activities…and you’re no longer sitting next to them in the bleachers, or driving car pool. Maybe you have struggled your whole life with finding true friends…..I want to encourage you to not give up the search.

A good friend is a great find! Lets continue exploring this important topic.

Coming up next blog post: 5 Ways to Grow a Friendship at Any Age

Blessings,

Stephanie

Posted in Friendship, Uncategorized | 9 Comments

My Happy List

Posted on October 13, 2013 by Stephanie

My happy list…the short list of things that bring me big fleeting moments of joy. They make me thankful whenever I encounter them and brighten my mundane everyday life. So here goes: The stuff that makes me smile lately (in no particular order)

Ben and Jerry’s Liz Lemon Fro Yo. It’s almost ice cream. It’s definitely lemon with a little blueberry swirl. Lemon + blueberries=needIsaymore? IMG_1022 Skinny Jeans. Who knew a non-skinny person could actually pull theses off?? With the help of my sisters and encouragement from my nieces (and oversized shirts and boots) this is actually a good look for me. Us over 50’s gals delight any time we get to say those 5 words…a good look for me. Bring on the cold weather!

Evolve Bleach Tablets. I’m a laundry fanatic. It stems from all the times my mom quoted my nanny (and that would be my grandmother-not a caregiver) saying “You can tell how a woman keeps her house by looking at her laundry.” I quit hanging stuff on a line eons ago, and if I hadn’t, the stinkbugs would have ended it now. So imagine my delight when my sister told me about these chlorine tablets that replace the liquid, splattering, clothes ruining bleach, I became a believer. Do I sound bitter? Maybe its because the liquid stuff ruined one of my favorite shirts and my new bathing suit cover up. Revenge baby. IMG_1027 Mac Book Pro. I’m in love. After spending all of my adult life as a PC, I am in the process of converting to an Apple user in all things. It would have been much cooler for me to have switched 10 years ago, but I just couldn’t do it….all those files organized on my PC. My Mac Book is the smartest thing I have ever owned. I am more than just a little intimidated by it and at least once a week I can be found at the Apple Store in the Christiana Mall in Delaware at the help desks. It’s the place where all the Sr. citizens (and almost senior citizens) go to let the 20 year olds teach us how to use these powerful instruments. I always learn something…like last week…I learned that the two 70 + year old ladies at my table were working on building a video. I was trying to download Adobe Flash Drive correctly. Can you spell “humiliated”? IMG_1023 Parenthood TV Series. This came highly recommended to me by two fellow Elder’s wives so I blame them for making me love this show which sometimes has a lack of morality that is disappointing, yet I’m hooked. I love it cause it shows a real family—3 generations– that centers around 4 adult siblings interactions with each other. We see them keep each other accountable for choices they make as they show great love and forgiveness. (And if any of my kids is reading this….I want to dance in the kitchen while doing clean up on Thanksgiving like these folks do. That’s REAL love!IMG_1026 Orange Gerber Daisies. These have me singing the praises of genetic engineering! New to our area this year, my favorite flower in my favorite color…I’m loving it! IMG_1024 Ikea Tea Towels. If you spend a considerable time in the kitchen, you get to appreciate products that are dependable and do a great job. That describes these simple white (with red border) towels. 100% cotton, soft and absorbent. Their official name is TEKLA and they keep them near the exit. This is important information so that you don’t actually have to enter this crazy mixed up store full of weird products with even weirder sounding names. Better yet, order online. IMG_1021 There you have it…my happy list …for now. It’s the little things really, right?

What’s on your happy list?

Blessings,

Stephanie

Posted in Midlife Maze | 8 Comments

Stinkbugs 2.0

Posted on October 11, 2013 by Stephanie

Stinkbugs 2.0

Also known as the “kinder, gentler annihilation” has been deferred due to change in weather patterns that have temporarily interrupted the stinkbug population. We had a 30 degree drop in the temps from what we had over the weekend when I was gearing up for the experiments and killing about 40 stinkbugs a day…the old fashioned way-catching them in an empty water bottle.

I’m sure they are out in the barn or under the siding, regrouping for the next wave of attacks. Which according to son # 2 will be when the weather is colder and the house warms up. With the outside temperature being close to what it is inside the house that makes sense. Rest assured that I am armed and ready and will report the findings of my scientific study in due course.

For the record, at this point the only ones that I care about the ones that I see IN my house. I don’t look for them outside, but son # 2 (my partner in all things stinkbugs since he has a vested interest in their demise-his wife is horrified of them) came over the other day and he went down to our cellar and came up saying that the entire inside of the door was covered with them.

Nary a one of them has been there in the past 4 days.

Son #3 was helping me in the attic (AKA stinkbug Club Med) last week and he went to take a Rubbermaid container down that was stacked 3 high and we found a HUGE colony of the stinkbugs clumped together hanging out. We were having unseasonably warm weather and our attic is extra hot due to it being a 200-year-old farmhouse and although we have made huge strides in insulation…the attic still is a furnace in the summer.

Since the attic is a stinkbug hotspot (no pun intended) many of the 2.0 experiments will be tested there, in hopes that there will be no surprises when I take down the Christmas decoration boxes.

But honestly, if 2.0 doesn’t work (remember it’s the kinder, gentler, GREENER alternative), 3.0 will commence.

Without guilt.

So, I hope no one is disappointed with my not having the results of the experiments. Two of the measures were tested fully, but I will report all findings when the data is complete.

I’m on it.

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Family, Farm | 1 Comment

My Mother Myself

Posted on October 4, 2013 by Stephanie

We have just returned from visiting our son in Arizona. This was the first time that we have been houseguests in his home.

And I’ll tell you- it was straight up weird.

Not because of him. He was welcoming and gave us his very comfortable bed while he slept on a cot in his office. His new place is a small two bedroom house in a mountain town next to the Apache Reservation where he works with the youth. Still a bachelor, there was little food in the house. He did have gas heat and a flat screen TV and that was wonderful compared to the glorified Tee Pee he lived in his first winter in AZ. We were with him –that was most important to us.

The weird thing about this trip?

I realized that I am becoming my mother.

I noticed immediately upon arrival that I approached my son’s home the way that my mom has done every time she has come to visit me for the past 30 years…How can I make this situation “better”?

Better meaning…make more sense to ME.

Even now, after a visit from my mom I sometimes have to call and find out where she put the can opener. She still can’t fold my towels the way I like (it’s the little things, really…) There are a few of her “touches” that drive me a little nuts, despite the wonderful help she was to me in my childrearing years. During those years when she came to town she totally became the chief cook and laundress and it was like a mini vacation for me in so many ways. My sisters and I used to say it was worth having a baby just to have mom come and redo our kitchen ….new shelf paper and beautifully organized!

Obviously things are VERY different with a son living on his own.

The lack of food was a no brainer. Years of living in the northeast has taught me to be prepared for the sudden snowstorms that catch you off guard by always having a good stock of non perishables. My son’s pantry had 4 cans of white beans, 2 cans of black beans, 2 cans of pinto beans (see where this is going??) along with 2 cans of chopped tomatoes and I can of corn, and a handful of lentils. I’m a pretty good cook and even I’d have a hard time coming up with something edible given that assortment.

And what about last month when he was too sick to leave his house for essential “sick food” AKA chicken soup, crackers and Gatorade?

I quickly made a list and hit the store.

Upon my return I did the second thing my mom always does when she comes to visit: Clean out the fridge. Hunting for expired food (there was none, happy to report) can be really fun! Who knew? Doesn’t feel that fun at my house.

Next I started the inventory of goods and organization of possessions.

Don’t I sound like a fun house guest?

Happily—both of these departments were in top shape because my son loves cleanliness and order.

Nothing really needed my attention except the kitchen. I took one look at his pots and pans and thought “Yuck.” It probably came out something like, “Wow, honey–these pots and pans have seen better days! I think you need some new ones.” The non-stick ones had deep scratches and the metal aluminum ones had rounded bottoms and didn’t even sit flat on the stove. (And, well, they were aluminum….one way ticket to dementia.)

So to a TJ Maxx-esque place I went.

My hub played along for the most part, gently urging me to take it easy. I guess he caught that “she’s on a mission” look in my eyes. He drew the line when I wanted to put solar lights along the front of the walkway so that our son (OK…. me) wouldn’t step on a rattlesnake at night getting into the house.

I was able to cook a meal in those new pots and pans, and now my son has some old ones to take camping. Win Win.

My sweet son handled all my meddling graciously as I do my mom’s. We both recognize a mom still wants to feel needed and helpful and most of all…essential to her child’s life. No matter how old or capable the “child” is.

My son is amazing. His home is warm and inviting—his welcome is sincere. I know that someday when he has a wife these intentions of mine, no matter how well placed will not be needed or appreciated.

I saw an opportunity and I took it.

My mom would be proud!

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Family, Midlife Maze | 3 Comments

Pumpkin Guilt

Posted on September 24, 2013 by Stephanie

Pretend I’m Catholic and you’re a priest. We have just stepped inside that box with a curtain (sorry, I don’t know the official name for it—I’m not Catholic.)

I say: Forgive me I have sinned.

You say: What hast thou done, my child?

I say: (with a sob) I’ve paid too much for pumpkins!

There I said it. My disgrace is complete.

What’s more…I wait all year KNOWING that this is going to happen. Is that premeditation?

Can I be forgiven?

I’m so weak.

It’s fall. FALL…. FINALLY!!! Best time of year…ever!

Love. It. I am addicted to fall!

I love the colors, the football games, the food, bonfires and most of all, the decorations. The whole thing makes me a little nuts.

And my favorite fall decorations are pumpkins.

But have you seen the prices for pumpkins this year? Wowzers.

It costs a small fortune for a large, usually inedible gourd that will end up in our pit the weekend after Thanksgiving. I could only get one BIG one and call it fall, but where’s the fun in that? I NEED LOTS! Ok, I want lots. Same thing.

I think there is a little irony (ok, a lot) that a farm girl has to buy pumpkins. Sad really. If I was so inclined (and by “I” I mean my hub) I could plant enough pumpkins for our whole county. It’s just that with the ginormous time eating, energy sucking building project this summer, it just wasn’t going to happen.

Oh who am I kidding? We have only planted pumpkins one time in the whole 32 years that I have lived here…and that was when the boys were little. But it was an amazing year! Such fun!! There were wheelbarrows of orange pumpkins up against our red barn–I just loved looking out my kitchen window at them. Why did we never do that again?

Here’s why: Pumpkins have to be planted right after July 4th to be ready for early fall. Every year I would be determined not to miss pumpkin planting time. But July 4ths came and went and we were busy with the garden season and putting up hay in the sweltering heat, and the last thing we (and by WE I mean HE) wanted to do was spend more time out in the elements to plant something just for decorations.

The next time I would think about planting pumpkins was the middle of August, which would mean it would be too late to enjoy for the fall, but we’d have plenty for Christmas.

Christmas?

With this being my daughter in law’s first year on the farm we were both looking forward to the thought of pumpkins in the fall. I even bought several kinds of pumpkin seeds to plant and was determined not to let the end of July arrive without them being planted.

But alas…. we failed again. So to the store I have gone in search of the vegetable (or is it a fruit??) I love.

I love pumpkins in all shapes, sizes and colors. Here are a few of the ones I “acquired” just yesterday:

Image

I’m not sure where my emotional attachment to pumpkins came from, but it’s definitely gotten more pronounced over the years. Maybe it’s because I love orange (GO VOLS!) Maybe it’s because it signals that the heat of summer is giving way to cooler temps and heaven knows I’m all over that! Maybe I can blame Pinterest with all the cute photos of fall decorations.

Most likely it’s because fall reminds me of Thanksgiving – my favorite holiday and the thought of all the family gathered together. I can never get enough of those times.

More pumpkins = more fall = more family.

Yes, that must be it.

Guilty.

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Family, Farm | Leave a comment

Save A Place For Me

Posted on September 23, 2013 by Stephanie

“Save a place for me”. That was the text I received last week from one of my Bible study sistas as I was getting ready to leave for my friend, Sue’s memorial service. Those 5 words have a story to tell. They imply belonging and acceptance to those they are spoken between.

“Be there for me”, is what it really means.

It was almost surreal that our darling friend was gone. A sudden return of cancer claimed her in less than 8 weeks. I drove to the church numb.

The narthex of the church was decorated for a women’s conference, which was going to be held the following day, and everything was cottage white and shabby chic. Our friend would have been so pleased!

Surrounded by dear ones and out of town family we gathered to worship and remember the life of a remarkable woman. I sat with several friends, including the one who had sent me the text earlier. At one point I looked down the pew and realized that every woman sitting there was a Bible study sista. It was if we were there together to say goodbye to the first of us to see Jesus.

Sistas. It’s a common term used in women’s Bible studies across our country. It’s born out of common love: for Christ and for each other. It’s a bond that is formed when you invite others into your world.

Authentically. Nothing withheld.

In the family room where we gathered every Tuesday morning, we were doing more than studying our Bibles…we were grafting each other into our lives.

No piece of good news was too small to celebrate…birthdays, lost pounds, new jobs, college acceptances, good checkups and new recipes. We also shared our kid’s triumphs and disappointments, our marriage struggles, our fears for the future and our disappointment of opportunities not taken. One wished she had had more children, another was trying to reconcile with her estranged mother, one had the scars from a bitter divorce, and bankruptcy loomed for another and several dealt with almost crippling anxiety.

This was a “no mask” zone. Not the usual smile, open your Bible and “would you like another piece of cake” group.

It was a place where we could be real, show our ugly parts (and pasts) and know we would still be loved.

True sister love. Sistas.

I tend to think about heaven a little more after someone I love leaves the planet. I don’t know what it will really be like, but I do know that it will be mostly great because Jesus is there. But it’ll also be great because of getting to see loved ones who have gone before me. Each time a dear one departs for my true “home”, heaven becomes a little sweeter.

That sounds simplistic, I know. Devoid of all the lofty theological discussions and implications. But in times of grief-simple works best.

That day at the memorial service we weren’t coming to say “good-bye” to Sue. What we really meant was:

Save a place for me.

Blessings,
Stephanie

Posted in Faith, Friendship | 7 Comments